Day Nine

Day Nine.

“Don’t try to change so that someone else will love you. Change and transform so that you may be more in love with yourself. Those changes matter”.

So I haven’t posted in a couple of days, and today’s title means a lot as to what happened on Friday.

A while ago, a man posted some comments about me breastfeeding in a pub while having a glass of wine, on Mother’s Day. My first Mother’s Day. He really went to town on me, and his post went viral. It really upset me, and made me even reconsider breastfeeding not just in public, but at all.

So, on Friday evening, this man was in the same pub as we were. As we were leaving, I stopped dead and stared at him. I didn’t know what to do. Do I go up and say something? Do I shout at him? I was lost and it stressed me out big time. I couldn’t stop thinking about seeing him, and then I revisited the post and upset myself even more. But why was this man doing this to me? It’s been three months since he posted those comments but I still let it affect me.

I don’t breastfeed at all anymore. Not because of what he said. Because I physically cant. But I feel if he were to see me bottle feed my baby while out, he would think that he’s won. He’s beaten me down. I can’t help but feeling like this, and in all honesty, I will probably feel like this every time I see him.  I was a new mum and he slated me. Slated me so bad that it even got on the TV.

I wanted to be able to carry on breastfeeding. I wanted to be able to provide what my son needs. I wanted to show that man that he hasn’t broken me.

I stopped breastfeeding because it was best for both me and my son. I still provide for my son as he gets fed, he probably gets fed much more than he did before. That man hasn’t broken me. He has embarrassed himself.

But it is so hard to not feel like crap when someone says something so horrible about the way you are raising your child. But why should I feel like I should change the way I feed my son just for him? He’s not the King. To me, my son is . And I will carry on with what makes my son and myself happy. He loves having a bottle, he loves that both his mum and dad can feed him. We are all so much happier now, I am so much less stressed about feeding him.

I did feel sad when I gave him the boob for the final time. But it just didn’t work out for us. Sometimes it doesn’t. But we are OK with that, and it works.

Any changes we make, we do because it’s what works for us. It’s what works for me, my partner and my son. We are a team and we love what we do for our family, whatever it is. If I have to dance around and rap to make my son smile I will. Wherever we are. Who’s to judge?

No one.

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