Day Nineteen

Day Nineteen.

“Look at your life. Is there a way that you aren’t respecting yourself, your wants, or your needs? Now is the time to choose to honour those things. Go for it lovely”.

I can’t deny that my life is pretty good right now. My little man has made it. I have my little family. And our family is just perfect. However, some days I can’t help but feel that I could be better. I try so hard to make sure that my little man is happy that I forget to try and make myself happy. Obviously he makes me so, so happy but the days just stress me out. Anything can trigger it. Not putting a wash on. Or putting a wash on and forgetting to get it out again. Mundane things are stressful. And I feel so bad when I haven’t done anything. Therefore, I feel like I am a bit useless.

Being a Mum is hard work. Even five months on, I am still finding things difficult. My little man is becoming such a character, a cheeky chap and I enjoy the days when we have so much fun together. But it is incredibly tiring. As soon as 7pm comes, I can not wait to sit down. Have a wee by myself. Have a bath. And I still feel bad doing that!

My partner is a great support. He can see when I need some me time and tries to make me take some. But, I don’t want to take it because I don’t want to have time by myself and over think things. It is never ending. And if I do, I am up hoovering, dusting, washing. I won’t actually take a break.

But, it is great when I do let my hair down and I don’t worry about home. I don’t think about what I should be doing at home. I don’t think about the washing that I have had to wash for the third time. But is that OK? Should I be going out? Should I be forgetting home? It’s like catch 22. I need to realise I do need this time for myself so I can feel like a human again. And I shouldn’t feel bad when I want to go out. Even if it’s just for an hour. I need to still be me.

I have tried to arrange days out with friends or family so we are kept busy. And that’s great. When we have days at home, I do sometimes feel at a bit of a loss. How can I keep this little human entertained all day without going insane? And that is exactly why I need to have me time.

My little man needs me to want to entertain him. To keep him happy. To help him grow. To help him learn. And how can I do that when I don’t have a clear head? I just need to keep telling myself that it is OK to do things without my baby. I need that time. It’s OK to have a break. And when I come home? My baby will be there waiting for me to give him a cuddle. Because he would have missed me just as much as I would have missed him.

AMY BLOG 19..

 

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