Day Twenty Two.
“Realise that it’s OK to ask for help when you need it. It doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. It doesn’t make you weak. You don’t have to be or do it all”.
I have to admit that I do struggle to ask for help. I feel embarrassed. I feel like I should be the wonder mum 24 hours a day. And it does take it out of me. There is only so much I can take before I crack.
I’ve previously written about being strong enough to say no. This is something that I have tried to work on. But it’s hard. I want to be able to be that wonder mum. Wake up at the crack of dawn every morning and be as though I’ve had 12 hours sleep. It’s tough. Babies are hard work!
My little man is six months old now and requires a lot of attention. A lot. Sometimes I feel as though I bore him as it’s only me and him. But how do I know? Why would I bore him? I’m one of his favourite people right? I sing his favourite songs , I dance with him, we play games, we read books. All repeated about 100 times a day. How can that not be fun?!
I’m always going to feel tense when asking for help. Because, I mean, why can’t I do it? Why am I having to ask for help? I can’t stop all these little niggles. But I must learn. I am allowed to ask. It’s OK to ask.
We’re a team at home. And in all honesty, I do fight over doing everything for the baby. But I think it’s because I am used to spending all of this time with him. It just happens.
“No. I’ll do it.”
“No. I’ll take him.”
“No. I’ll feed him.”
Etc etc .
I need to start being a strong team player. It’s not just me and the little man. My partner is here too. I should use him. We should work together.
But like everything, it all gets on top of me and I struggle. And this is where I should ask for help. To not push myself. To take five minutes and just sit down. Because it is OK.
Without any help, I will end up with a bald head living under a rock. And that is not ideal. I need to start being brave. To be confident in others.
It puts a lot of strain on life. My life.
I need my partner. I need his help more than anything in the world. I need his help with the baby. I need his help with how I feel. I need him. He is an amazing man. An amazing dad. I don’t think I would have made it this far without his love and support.
Having a baby changes quite a few things in life. And some things are difficult to bring back to how they used to be. However hard I try to get them back. It’s not easy. And it’s not fun.
It’s tiring, it’s stressful and it’s depressing.
It’s such a horrible cycle of emotions that need to change to happy and positive ones.
Spending the day with my little man is the most rewarding thing in the world. I love him so much that I swear my heart would actually burst. He is the most gorgeous, cheeky little thing I have ever seen.
Spending the day with my partner has an array of emotion. I love him so much but I feel I fight to take my baby . Because I am used to the time that I have with him. And I don’t let him help me and I really need him to. It’s so confusing, I don’t know how my brain doesn’t explode. But, it is all my fault why I am like this. I am stubborn. I am so stubborn. I need to let him help me. Because I need him to, and I want him to. We’re a team. I need to let him in.