Day Twenty Five.
“Stop focusing on the things that you aren’t and start celebrating all of the amazing things you are . Right here, right now, there are so many things to love about you”.
I had a mini meltdown this weekend. I don’t know why as I had such a good weekend. My best friend was home from travelling and I got to spend a lot of time with her. She got to spend quality time with my little man which he loved. And I got to spend quality time with her. We even went out out. Which was amazing.
So why did I feel so crap?
My little man sleeps through the night. Most nights. But I’m still finding that I am absolutely shattered. All. The. Time. And I think it really got to me this weekend. It got to the point where I didn’t actually know what to do with myself. I sat on my own for what seemed like hours. Why? Why did I do that?
And I thought. And I over thought. And I over thought my over thought. It really felt like I was losing this battle.
I can’t control it and I think that’s what gets me down.
I have worked so hard to get where I am and it is so deflating when I feel sad. And I feel sad and beaten when it’s as though I’ve let my partner AND my son down.
The way my son looked at me this weekend while I was having a bit of a cry was heartbreaking. And it hit home. I shouldn’t be upset. I have an amazing son. I have an amazing partner. I am an amazing mum. I need to celebrate this more.
I have incredible days. Watching my son grow each day is the best thing in the world. He is so happy. And I did that. I make sure he is the happiest boy in the world. I can’t let him see me cry. I can’t cry. Why should I cry? What is there to cry about?
I over think. And I am stubborn about it. Once I’m in that zone, it takes a while to get out of it. So, how I can stop being in that zone?
I need to be strong.
I am strong.
I’m a mum. And a bloody good one .